Priscilla

My biggest fear is to lose someone I love. My biggest fear became reality January 22nd this year. The day started like any other day. Trying to be a good mom. I dropped Liam off at school a little before one. I went home put Lyla down for a nap. I gave Logan some school work to work on as I went to take a quick shower. When I went upstairs Logan appeared in the bathroom anxious and did not want to be alone. I was frustrated and wanted alone time but could see he was clearly upset and this was not the norm for him. I asked him for some privacy and to play with legos on the other side of the shower curtain while I showered. It was almost 2 as I headed downstairs to work with Logan on school. When I entered my front room I had a strong impression to draw a picture of Christ. I found it random and odd and pushed it away thinking I needed to work on school with Logan. I began to go back and forth with this thought that kept coming and became stronger and more urgent as I walked closer to my kitchen table. I felt this need to draw a picture of Christ smiling. I kept pushing it away stating I needed to work on school with Logan. As I entered my kitchen it became strong enough where I knew I needed to do something and I logically explained the reason being because someone needed a picture of Christ. Maybe a sweet widow I visited or someone lonely in a nursing home that I planned on visiting with the kids with cards for valentines day. Satisfied with my logical explanation to myself I went to sit down. I thought excitedly that I should use my art supplies that I accumulated over the years, from Jeff, that was collecting dust. As I went to stand up and grab them I felt the strong urgency that I needed to draw RIGHT NOW. It was so powerful and urgent I sat and grabbed Logan's pencil and the closest piece of paper. The paper happened to be what Liam had been drawing on that morning. I flipped it over and looked up a picture of Christ smiling. The first image that popped up was of Christ with his arms wide open as if waiting for an embrace with a smile as if welcoming you. I thought it was good enough and thought I have never seen it before. I took a screenshot and quickly sketched for about 20 to 30 minutes. When I was done I took a picture sent it to Jeff and a friend asking if they could tell who I drew. This was at 2:35 pm.  Logan then asked to write my name on it. I put it aside and went about my day.  I found out my sister was gone 2 hours and 40 minutes later. A couple days later I am up late talking and crying with my Titi when I tell her about my experience that happened that same time my sister passed away. When I went to show her the picture we then noticed that the piece of paper was purple. Her favorite color. Liam had adamantly requested purple that morning when he normally picks blue. I know Priscilla is okay. Her body no longer lives but her spirit her soul lives. I will see her again. She told me what she was seeing as she left this world. I can not deny it. The stubborn persistence. Her knowing how much we talked about what was beyond this world and life. How we both could recognize that there is a higher intelligence and being even if we may give it a different name. My son loving the planet Saturn and begging to visit in our bedtime stories as we fly through space. To then sit down and listen to my sister's song and realizing the title of the song is Saturn. To the insurance agent who knows nothing about us, just that my sister is gone and needed to be removed off of insurance, that sent my mom a gift that was all purple. The gift bag the tissue paper down to the card. Gringo, Priscilla's baby, who anxiously was trying to dig something out of a big pile of leaves and when my dad moved the pile to see what he was so desperately trying to get to, discovered a purple flower. Logan telling me in his dream he was feeling sad and she came rubbed his back and said she will come back when he is sad to comfort him. She still lives. Every time I feel a huge wave of anguish I tell myself she is near. I know she is okay. It doesn't mean I am okay with her being gone. It does not mean that I am not still filled with anguish and anger. This small picture has kept me from completely going into despair. Even if it was not her telling me to draw the picture of Christ. Something was, some force was telling me to draw a picture of Christ with his arms stretched out in a welcoming embrace around the same time my sister took her last breath. I can not deny it. I can not make this up. This is not a coincidence.